30 Day Proverbs Challenge: Day 15

Welcome to Pray! you whore, a blog, that takes you on my personal journey of repentance, reconciliation, and redemption. This Proverbs hit me straight in the chest today because as an ex bartender and party girl. I participated in things that were very unwise. My mission was to be the light in the darkness but that was very unwise to think that I could conquer that without the Lord, Jesus Christ. Instead it led me to darkness: sexual immorality, spiritual idolatry, drug and alcohol addiction and perversion in thinking and actions. What excuses are you making? Who do you need to remove out of your life? Why does God call us away from these things?

I lived in New York City for five years because I had graduated from Fordham University in 2010 and wanted to prove that I could make it on my own. I was on a journey of finding myself and I do not regret any of my experiences. However, I will say in the city of hustle and opportunism its very dangerous if you are searching for your identity. I got lost in the sauce because I had no foundation in Christ. I was a Christian and I went to a Catholic college yet I lacked a relationship with the Lord,Jesus Christ and I had no authority over the things that were coming my way. Solomon hit it right on the head in Proverbs 23:29-30 "Who has anguish? Who has sorrow? Who is always fighting? Who is always complaining? Who has unnecessary bruises? Who has bloodshot eyes? 30 It is the one who spends long hours in the taverns,
trying out new drinks." Again, God is always available to us and is ready and willing to help us but we must seek him first.

Now that I can walk in maturity and with the Lord Jesus Christ I now understand that he places us in circumstances to draw us near to him. Being as stubborn and rebellious as I am I had to learn through a few bruises, pain and broken hearts. Proverbs 23:17-18 "Don’t envy sinners, but always continue to fear the Lord.18 You will be rewarded for this; your hope will not be disappointed." I had to realize that I was experiencing first hand what it feels like to have "hope deferred makes the heart sick" because on paper I had done everything right but I was so emotionally and mentally damaged. I kept hitting a wall and unfulfilled aspirations because I was so far away from the one person and thing I actually could trust, the Lord. I was running around undisciplined and now that I am a mother I want to enforce Gods commandments and sanctification because I know what it feels Don’t fail to discipline your children.The rod of punishment won’t kill them.14 Physical discipline may well save them from death." This is so real and I sure did encounter death several times.

Like Gideon, I was arguing with the Lord and seeking confirmation after confirmation. The God revealed to me that I have severe trust issues and my heart is sick. Personally, I am asking for the Lord to heal my heart and I say Proverbs 3:5-6 consistently and daily. I have to defeat the doubt, fear and lies that I have been told in my life and we all have to use God's Word to instill discipline and truth. Proverbs 23:12 "Commit yourself to instruction; listen carefully to words of knowledge." I had to learn that learning is a way of life, you will always be in a state of learning. Meanwhile, I can now say that learning the right things is very important and the foundation that is built for my children start with Gods Word and understanding the relationship they have with the Lord. That is truly the one thing I did not grasp although i was in church and in religion for most of my life. My advice is stay grounded in Gods Word and prayer!

xoxo KISS (Keep it Simple & Sanctified)