30 Day Proverbs Challenge: Day 18

Welcome to Pray! you whore, a blog, that takes you on my personal journey of repentance, reconciliation, and redemption.I have had to learn discernment the hard was because I had none. I have always been a pure , naive open book type of person because I grew up in safety. Like a gated community with unlocked doors safe so that is how my mentality and culture around people was cultivated. However, when we no longer could keep up with the Joneses I saw everyone disappeared and everyones selfish nature was revealed. I no longer had a safe space to heal, recover and rejuvenate. Have you struggled with trusting people? In Proverbs 26: 24-26 "People may cover their hatred with pleasant words, but they’re deceiving you.
25 They pretend to be kind, but don’t believe them. Their hearts are full of many evils. 26 While their hatred may be concealed by trickery, their wrongdoing will be exposed in public." Everyone has always expected me to be the bigger person and I am tired!

It is so hard to be accused of something that no one ever set a precedent or standard for. I am supposed to call you daily and check in on you but not once have you called me to check and see "how I was feeling". I used to be the girl that kept the group texts going , planned the movies, or party weekend. Now it seems that I have no friends or family without the effort of me intentionally putting time into what I expect a family or friend should be. I thought of this emotional betrayal and whirlwind that often ends many friendships and causes family tension. In Proverbs 26:11-12 says "As a dog returns to its vomit,
so a fool repeats his foolishness. 12 There is more hope for fools than for people who think they are wise." I am an emotional intelligent being and good communicator born into an emotional dysfunctional family with poor communication skills so I guess I have to accept that I can only change circumstances by trusting in the Lord and prayer.

Instead of being hurt by others proof in actions and level of understanding. I had to learn that God has called me to pray for others and heal myself from the inner child trauma and triggers that have evolved from lack of self control and anger. Due to lack of wisdom I tend to return to my vomit(pain) because its easier to say " lets go through it" but actually doing it is like Proverbs 26:13 "The lazy person claims, “There’s a lion on the road! Yes, I’m sure there’s a lion out there!” It takes a fearlessness to confront your own issues and be vulnerable in front of the ones who have chosen to misunderstand you. The truth is today we all run away from feelings and emotions culturally speaking. In Proverbs 26: 16 "Lazy people consider themselves smarter than seven wise counselors." Most of us are numbing ourselves with scrolling and watching from afar rather than craving intimacy and vulnerability. Learn to address your issues in prayer with the Lord and find another way to express those feelings.

Personally, i believe that unexpressed emotion becomes anger and mental health disorders depending on how long you surpress it. In Proverbs 26:21 "A quarrelsome person starts fights as easily as hot embers light charcoal or fire lights wood," I had become a ball of anger ready to debate and fight my way through the pain. As I address my own triggers in this season of healing. I encourage you to find a healthy form of expression whether it is reading, journaling or playing music or doing art. It's so very important to find healthy communities to express yourself and relate to others who are struggling. I am realizing that isolation has become my unhealthy solution to many things and one of the schemes of the devil is to divide us. Remember that and go through it with the Lord today, tomorrow and forever!

xoxo KISS (Keep it Simple & Sanctified)