Known, Seen and Loved

Welcome to Pray! you whore, a blog, that takes you on my personal journey of repentance, reconciliation, and redemption. Lately, I have been realizing how shame can creep into our mindset and truly hold us back from who we are called to be. Shame often proceeds doubt and that is what caused our Mother Eve to be casted out of the Garden of Eden. God has been bringing the story of the Samaritan woman at the well to remind me of my own value to the kingdom. Jesus chose the most unlikely and most rejected candidate to be his first evangelist. What are you ashamed of? How are you overcoming shame? When will you let shame go? Today these are the questions that I ponder as I look at my life and how shame has set me back in so many ways. My childhood and perceived image has set me back tremendously and kept a shell of a smile on my face. I grew up in an environment built around the saying " keeping up with the Joneses."

My childhood was wonderful by no means am I ungrateful for the experiences. Personally, I think those experiences have shaped the stories and the woman I am becoming today. I understand the importance of healing and wealth begins with family. I grew up in an environment obsessed with image... how big is your house? how many cars do you have? what events are you going to? how much money does your family have? Truly, an extremely unhealthy environment to shape your purpose and understanding of foundation. When your parents don't walk in God's way the devil will sow doubt and division. He took the riches, the cars and houses, the private school experience and events away. He took my entire life away, my family was broken and torn apart after the divorce and eviction. God has shown me that he is the Great Restorer and his love and mercy endures forever.

As an emotional unhealthy and traumatized child I chose to do what most of us do run away! I was angry, frustrated and embarrassed of the failures and what my family represented. I ran to college and vowed to make it on my own and that is where the idolization of self- reliance and shame began. I wanted to lose my identity of being "daughter of", I moved to Tennessee and NYC to finish college and find a living. I even attempted to stay close to God, as a believer by attending Hillsong every now and then. However, my shame came from not having my identity in Christ as a "daughter of God." That is the one truth that has never changed but I let the enemy sew lies of doubt, division and discouragement which led to me being ashamed of where I was. I begin to feel the pressure of proving myself to myself and everyone else. The truth is we all have what we need but we have to understand how to "be your own body in Christ."

The Lord has been reminding me of John 4 and the story of the Samaritan woman who was the outcast of her own village. She was divorced 5 times and unable to divorce her current husband. She had to go get water in the heat of the day, just to avoid the gossip and shame that came from the village women. However, she met Jesus at the well where he knew all of her flaws yet still revealed his true identity to her. Jesus Christ trusted her, knew her and loved her in spite of her reputation, failures and shame. This story is a reminder that God loves those who believe in him and trust in him and love him with all of their hearts. God was reminding me that I am still loved, not forgotten. God has been revealing to me that I am called to be a leader and to spread the truth, God's Word. Never think that you are not worthy, as a child of God! I hope the video of Dr. Anita Phillips encourages you to be the leader God has called you to be. The struggle and shame is what builds our character and testimony so continue to boldly have faith and spread the Word of God and your story.

xoxo KISS (Keep it Simple & Sanctified)