The Hardest Lesson...

Welcome to Pray! you whore, a blog, that takes you on my personal journey of repentance, reconciliation, and redemption. Today I am learning how to "trust in the Lord with all of your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him and he will make your paths straight" Proverbs 3:5-6 This is what life has revealed to me. It seems so simple to do but the distractions, overthinking and the ways of the world will take you off course so quickly. We live in a "SELF" centered generation and reality with social media today. I was about "self development", "self awareness", and "self success" which seems like improvement but turns into narcissism.

As an athlete and over achiever you find your intellect being a crutch for "SELF-ishness" especially when you are doing what everyone else is doing. Another aspect I struggled with was comparison and competition. These were all strengths in the corporate world and in the real world that relies on money and sales. As an athlete you are constantly comparing scores, weights and achievements so subconsciously you develop an unhealthy relationship iwith your own self worth and value. Later this manifested in my life as self sabotage, abuse and addictions that seemed to numb the pain. Most athletes struggle with failure or life after being an athlete. We struggle with finding our identity and belonging again!

At least I know that I struggled with trusting in general, due to the mother and father wounds on my life. When you are used to living a certain way in life and then it completely shifts upside down. No matter how much I am trying to trust others the wound still needs healing. It's hard to believe anybody nowadays when there is deep fakes and a perfectly constructed marketing campaign to present a certain image. Especially, when your own father doesn't seem to keep his word or commitments or your mother leading to divorce and a broken home. You grow up in a million dollar mansion to all the pressure to get into college for free becasue your parents can't support your true passion.

Today I do not walk in bitterness but I am walking into maturity! This is life! Now that I have endured and survived many struggles I regret making decisions out of alignment with my Heavenly Father. The one that never lies or disappoints but encourages and strengthens you. God said in Isaiah 55:11 "so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it." The peace and comfort that comes from God's word is so amazing! I know that I will instill in my children to turn to God's Word for the answers because even I am flawed and jaded and may fail.

The one truth I can be honest about in my life is that God's word never fails. We all face trials and failures in life but if I can share my greatest lesson it would be to trust in the Lord with all your heart, mind and soul. When you are in trouble or in despair go to the Lord for everything and every circumstance. Pray! you whore came as a sarcastic reminder to pray and ask for Gods will to be done in my life. I am learning to completely rely on him as my Jehovah Jireh, my Provider. This is the greatest and most important commandment "30 Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. 31 The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’There is no commandment greater than these.” Mark 12:30-31

This has taught me to forgive all of my mistakes and all of the people that hurt me knowingly, or unknowingly. I remember how much grace and mercy God has shown me and I remember my life before I trusted in the Lord. We all struggle and fall but who do you turn to? What do you turn to? Why do you turn to? Ask yourself these questions when challenges come and make sure to always chose the right answer... JESUS (YESHUA)! When you realize the amazing gift of redemption after repentance the world becomes easier. You realize that you have a direct connection with the Creator of the Universe so why would I need to trust or ask anybody else....

God does not want you to fail or struggle. God does not want you to be unhappy, abused or exhausted. God does not want you to feel abandoned or rejected. God is love and he is trustworthy. A great reminder that God will not forsake you or be angry with you is in Phillipians 1:6 "being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Learn to trust the right thing, NOT MAN!

Xoxo KISS (Keep It Simple & Sanctified)